Disagreement Is a Part of Everyday Life
The word disagreement came to my mind today, and I realized how relevant it is to our everyday lives.
Look around, and you will hardly find anyone who has never been affected by disagreement. It is so deeply woven into modern life that it influences almost everything we do—our relationships, our thoughts, our choices, our work, and even the way we live.
But this word did not come to my mind without a reason.
One morning, I went to a small neighborhood store to buy something. The store is located just below my apartment building and carries many of the everyday things we need.
As soon as I entered, I noticed that the shopkeeper and one of the residents of my apartment building were having a heated argument.
The issue itself was quite simple.
An advertising company had installed a large billboard in such a way that a considerable portion of the resident’s balcony was blocked. Naturally, he objected.
I stood there for a moment and thought:
What would I have done if this had happened to me?
I probably would have protested too.
And if the shopkeeper had been in that resident’s position, he would probably have protested as well.
So who was right?
And more importantly, how should we handle such disagreements in our everyday lives?
I Often Turn to Sri Sarada Devi for Answers
Whenever I find myself caught in such a dilemma, I instinctively turn to Sri Sarada Devi.
Why?
Because I believe that many of the answers we are searching for in modern life can be found in the simple and profound wisdom of the Holy Mother.
She once said:
“He who can endure survives.”
At first, this may sound as though we should simply tolerate everything that happens to us.
But is that really what she meant?
Should the resident in my story simply tolerate the billboard blocking his balcony and remain silent?
No.
That would be misunderstanding the deeper meaning of her teaching.
Tolerance Does Not Mean Accepting Injustice
Being patient does not mean becoming helpless.
Being peaceful does not mean remaining silent in the face of injustice.
And being a good person does not mean allowing everyone to take advantage of you.
What Sri Sarada Devi’s teaching reminds us of is something much deeper: as human beings living together in society, we must learn to understand the needs, difficulties, and feelings of others.
That may be one of the highest expressions of humanity.
If we can make even a small shift in the way we think—moving away from “What do I want?” toward “What does the other person need?”—many unnecessary conflicts can be avoided.
We Must Stand Against Wrongdoing—But Wisely
There are times when we must protest.
If something is genuinely unfair or wrong, we should not be afraid to speak up.
But there is an important difference between standing against injustice and fighting with people.
We can disagree without becoming disrespectful.
We can express our opinion without insulting someone.
We can protect our rights without deliberately hurting another person.
In other words, we should be strong enough to stand up for what is right, but compassionate enough to consider the needs of others.
That balance is extremely important in today’s world.
Sri Sarada Devi Did Not Encourage Injustice
Sri Sarada Devi herself did not simply accept injustice or remain silent whenever she believed something was wrong.
There is a beautiful incident from her life that illustrates this.
Sri Ramakrishna had once expressed concern that she should not give his devotees too much food, because excessive attention to food might become an obstacle to their spiritual practices.
But the Holy Mother did not simply accept this instruction when she felt that it conflicted with her own sense of responsibility.
She expressed her disagreement respectfully.
She made it clear that she understood her responsibility and knew what she was doing.
This is an important lesson.
Respect does not require us to surrender our judgment.
And disagreement does not necessarily mean disrespect.
You Don’t Have to Make Everyone Happy
Many of us spend a great deal of our lives trying to keep everyone happy.
We hesitate to say “no.”
We suppress our opinions.
We tolerate things that make us uncomfortable.
We accept unfair behavior simply because we are afraid of upsetting someone.
But being a good person does not mean saying yes to everything.
Sometimes, “no” is the right answer.
Sometimes, expressing your honest opinion is necessary.
And sometimes, doing your duty quietly is more important than waiting for someone’s approval.
The key is to understand when to speak, when to remain silent, and how to speak.
Learn to Say No Without Being Rude
There are situations where we must say no.
But saying no does not require anger, arrogance, or hostility.
You can say:
“I understand your point, but I don’t agree.”
You can say:
“I respect your opinion, but I feel differently.”
You can say:
“This is difficult for me, so I would prefer not to do it.”
There is tremendous strength in expressing disagreement calmly.
You do not need to raise your voice to make your position clear.
When You Are Wrong, Admit It
There is another side to disagreement that we often forget.
What if we are wrong?
If our conscience tells us that something we have done was unfair or hurtful, there is no shame in admitting our mistake.
In fact, acknowledging a mistake does not make us weaker.
It often makes us stronger.
Saying “I was wrong” does not mean defeat.
It can actually increase the respect that the other person has for us.
A sincere apology can sometimes accomplish more than a hundred arguments.
You Cannot Please Everyone
Even after understanding all of this, there is something else we need to accept.
You cannot make everyone understand you.
You cannot make everyone agree with you.
And you certainly cannot make everyone like you.
I have learned this from life itself.
No matter how carefully we think, how sincerely we behave, or how much we try to do the right thing, there will always be someone who misunderstands us.
Trying endlessly to establish yourself in everyone’s eyes is therefore a futile exercise.
Instead, ask yourself a different question:
“At the end of the day, can I stand honestly before my own conscience?”
That is far more important.
Let Your Conscience Be Your Final Judge
At the end of the day, our actions should be acceptable to our own conscience.
Did I hurt someone unnecessarily?
Did I ignore another person’s genuine need?
Did I stand up for what was right?
Did I express my disagreement respectfully?
Did I admit my mistake when I was wrong?
Did I perform my responsibility without constantly seeking approval?
These questions are far more valuable than asking whether everyone approved of us.
We cannot control what other people think about us.
But we can control how we think, how we speak, and how we behave.
Disagree Without Losing Your Peace
Disagreements are unavoidable.
They will happen at home, at work, in relationships, in neighborhoods, and even between people who genuinely care about one another.
The goal is not to eliminate every disagreement.
The goal is to learn how to disagree without losing our humanity and our inner peace.
Stand up when something is wrong.
Say no when necessary.
Express your opinion with dignity.
Consider another person’s needs.
Accept your mistakes.
Do your duty.
And above all, do not allow an argument to destroy the peace within you.
Perhaps this is one of the most practical lessons we can take from Sri Sarada Devi’s life:
Be patient, but do not become weak.
Be compassionate, but do not abandon your principles.
Stand up for what is right, but do so with love.
If we can learn to approach disagreements with understanding rather than anger, many of the conflicts that disturb our daily lives may gradually lose their power over us.
Stay well. Avoid unhealthy conflicts. And whenever possible, choose love over anger.